


Lost One's Weeping

by I May Age Regress (shnuffeluv)



Series: The (Mis)Adventures of Baby Dee and Papa Logan [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Arguing, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit Sanders Angst, Eventual Fluff, Gen, Miscommunication, Non-Sexual Age Play, Singing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 05:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20466098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/I%20May%20Age%20Regress
Summary: Deceit fell asleep in the Common Room, and woke up regressed. Before he could go anywhere to sort this problem out, though, Logan found him and now Deceit has to make a choice: does he accept Logan's offer of help, or does he try to muddle his way through things on his own?





	Lost One's Weeping

Dee was tired. It had been a long day with a lot of trying to get Thomas to listen to him, to no avail. No one could blame him for being exhausted, and no one could blame him for falling asleep on the couch in the common room of the Mind Palace. They probably would blame him, though, when he woke up small and realized that he wasn't in his room, causing him to jump about a foot in the air and fall to the floor.

Tears sprung to his eyes and he willed himself not to cry; he was a big kid, and big kids didn't cry over small bumps! When a pair of loafers and the bottom of dark work jeans entered his vision, he buried his head in the floor, unwilling and unable to allow Logan to see him crying.

"Deceit, what are you doing here? I thought that you would be in your room by now."

Dee couldn't respond. It wasn't that he didn't want to, although he was reluctant to answer. The words were getting caught in an invisible barrier just behind his voice box. Air could get through but words could not, and it was the most frustrating way to be nonverbal ever. He knew how to speak, but he just...couldn't.

When Logan got no response for a minute, he hummed. "We both know you're not asleep, Deceit. Why don't you go back to your room?"

Dee wished that he could stop the tears before he started to breathe funny, but he had no such luck. His breath hitched and came out all shuddering, and it was clear for all to see that he was crying.

"Hey," Logan's voice turned soft and he bent down, knees cracking as he sat on his haunches. "Are you okay?"

Dee risked a glance up, and Logan looked...somewhat confused, but mostly concerned. Dee felt worse because of it; he knew that even if Logan was concerned, it was only because of the overall function of Thomas might be affected. Not because Dee might be in any actual pain or distress. Nevertheless, he sniffled and shook his head before burying it in the floor again. If anyone should know he wasn't up for any work, it was Logan.

Logan hummed again and mumbled, "Well, that won't do."

Dee would have asked what Logan meant if he could, but he was already nonverbal and then he was shocked into silence when Logan rolled him over and lifted him up, carrying him into Logan's room. Dee wrapped his arms around Logan's shoulders, worried about falling more than anything else. Logan shifted Dee in his arms as he closed the door and Dee buried his head in Logan's chest, too embarrassed to even try and explain himself. Logan sat them both down on the bed and Dee refused to get off Logan's lap. Embarrassed as he was, he needed the comfort. And he would never be brave enough to ask for it.

Logan waited for a minute, before he softly prompted, "Deceit, do you want to get off my lap?"

Dee cried harder, knowing that he could speak in small words, but he didn't have enough control to not lie. "Yes," he managed to say through the tears.

Logan blinked at him in surprise, before bringing his arms around Deceit for a hug. "It's okay, you don't have to get up."

Sniffling, Dee mumbled a small, "Thank you," into Logan's shirt.

"Can you explain what's going on?" Logan asked.

Dee shrugged. "I'm an adult?" he tried.

Logan made a little 'o' surprised face. "I wasn't aware you might be capable of age regression, when Thomas is not."

Dee sagged in relief when Logan understood what he was trying to say. He rubbed at his eyes with a fist and a small whine slipped from his throat.

"What do you need?" Logan asked.

Dee shrugged. "No hugs. No help."

"Help with what?" Logan asked.

Dee whined. He hated open-ended questions that required words.

"Is there something I can call you like this?" Logan asked, abruptly changing the conversation topic. "Calling you 'Deceit' doesn't feel right."

"Dee," Deceit said. He knew he could have used his name, but he also knew that if the Light Sides knew his name, the Dark Sides would get mad at him...again. He didn't want that.

"Okay, Dee. Is there anything specific you need right now?" Logan asked.

"No touch," Dee said.

"I can cuddle you, sure," Logan said, letting them fall sideways on his bed.

Dee shrieked in surprise and giggled as he realized they weren't gonna get hurt. Logan laughed with him and pulled him close, but letting Dee decide how close they would be. Dee clung to him like an octopus and buried his head yet again, this time in the crook of Logan's neck. "I see you're very shy, Dee," Logan teased.

"Nuh-uh," Dee weakly protested.

"Yeah-huh, to use Patton's response," Logan said, and Dee could hear the fond smile in his voice.

"Nuh-uh!" Dee insisted. "Not shy."

Logan lightly pushed Dee's hat off his head and played with his hair. "Then why do you hide?"

Dee's small happiness started to fade and he trembled a little as he said, "The others."

"I don't think Patton, Roman, or even Virgil would mind you regressing, Dee," Logan said.

"Not them," Dee whispered.

"Oh," Logan said softly, pulling Dee closer. "I won't let them hurt you or make fun of you, either, Dee."

"Promise?" Dee asked, looking up at Logan with wide eyes.

Logan looked surprised, briefly, before his face became unreadable. "Yeah, I promise, Dee. As long as I'm around, I'll make sure you're safe."

Dee smiled and didn't hide his face again. Logan continued to play with his hair, humming something under his breath that Dee recognized but couldn't place. It was soothing beyond words, and Dee could feel himself drifting off to sleep soon after. When Logan shifted and Dee got jostled, he cracked his snake eye open and glared. Logan just laughed. "You're not half as scary as you think you are."

That succeeded in getting Dee to pout, which only caused Logan to laugh more. "Come on, I was just going to turn out the light," he said, reaching over Dee and turning off the light, to reveal a ceiling covered in glow-in-the-dark stars.

Dee gasped audibly and Logan was clearly grinning, because Dee could hear it in his voice when he said, "I thought you might like that."

Logan let Dee continue to cuddle him, until Dee drifted off to sleep, and stayed asleep.

* * *

Deceit wished he could say that was the first and last time he had regressed around Logan, but much to his chagrin, it became a pastime. Whenever Deceit got too stressed or strung out, he would knock on Logan's door, Logan would let him in and they would snuggle in silence, or color, or Logan might read him a story if he was lucky.

He found himself longing for it every once in a while, which he beat himself up for. He was supposed to be independent, he wasn't supposed to want this, to need it, to crave it so badly.

But it was one of those fateful nights when Dee was curled up against Logan, that he realized something. Over the course of these rare moments, he had come to see Logan as his carer. And that was a more terrifying thought than anything else. What if Logan didn't feel the same? What if he was just humoring Dee? What if he used Dee's trust for blackmail?

He tried to dismiss the thoughts. Logan would never do that to him. He had nothing to gain from it, and anyway, Logan wasn't one to be malicious.

Logan poked Dee on the top of the head, and Dee looked up, meeting Logan's eyes for a split second before letting his gaze rest just behind Logan's ear. "Something on your mind?" Logan asked.

Dee ducked his head. He wanted to tell Logan this, but he was scared, and worried, and quickly becoming nonverbal. Logan had been teaching him some limited sign language, though, so maybe he could use that? "Names," he signed.

"Names?" Logan asked. "For me?"

Dee nodded.

Logan pulled back a bit and Dee flinched, but when he opened his eyes, Logan just looked curious, and the tiniest bit hopeful. "Dee, is there something you want to call me?"

Dee nodded again, before haltingly spelling out the word "Papa."

Logan offered Dee a small smile, and asked, "You want to call me Papa?"

Dee was red as a tomato by this point, but he needed to see this through. So he nodded.

"Okay," Logan said, smile growing into a grin as he said, "You can call me Papa."

Relief wasn't a good enough word to describe what Dee felt in that moment. He felt beyond relief at the fact that he had a chance at having a Papa. At having someone there to protect him from the creepy-crawlies, and the monsters in the closet. He had somewhere he belonged, finally. Even if it was only when regressed, even if it was only one other person who liked him. That was more than enough for him.

He snuggled closer into Logan and Logan placed his hand on Dee's head, holding him tight as he hummed that same song he was always humming when he wanted Dee to relax. Dee still couldn't place it, but he didn't mind too much anymore. It was soothing, no matter what it was. The context didn't matter if he just let himself drift in Logan-his Papa's-arms.

They sat there for a while, Logan humming and Dee just curled up against him. Eventually, Dee could feel something inside himself aging up, and he opened his mouth to make excuses as he pulled away from Logan. Logan grabbed his wrist before Deceit could go far. "Deceit," Logan said, eyes holding some emotion Deceit couldn't recognize, but reminded him of desperation mixed with worry, "Are we not going to talk about what you said?"

Deceit shifted uncomfortably. "I know it was...inappropriate. If you wish, I can go back to my room and we don't have to continue this..."

"Not what I meant," Logan said sternly. "I don't want you to stop doing this, and I certainly don't want you to repress it whenever I'm around. But...that takes a great amount of trust. To call someone your carer. And I don't want you just slipping off to wherever you go once you leave thinking that you made a mistake, or worse, that I'm anything but accepting about this."

Deceit frowned. "But..."

"No but's," Logan insisted. "Deceit, I care about you. Not in a romantic sense, but I wish to ensure your safety. That extends to when you're an adult as well. I don't want you to convince yourself you don't matter. Even if it's 'just' when you're big. So if you want me to be your papa, I'll be your papa. But you need to understand that doesn't just end when you age up."

Deceit felt a lump forming in his throat. "I can take care of myself," he lied. "I don't need you looking after me."

Logan arched an eyebrow and Deceit felt himself going on the defensive, even if he didn't want to. "I don't believe you. Certainly not when you're regressed, but even as an adult you've proven yourself to be susceptible to mood swings and loneliness."

"What do you care?" Deceit snapped, wrenching his arm free. "It doesn't matter! You just want to make sure that Thomas is firing on all cylinders! You don't actually care about me like that!"

Logan's hands balled into fists, and he said, voice glacial, "Then why are you even here, if you believe that?"

Deceit's nostrils flared, he spun on his heel, and walked out of Logan's room, slamming the door. He made a beeline for his room, locking himself inside and praying he didn't need to be summoned for some time, as he would be crying his eyes out for at least fifteen minutes. He hadn't wanted to go on the defensive, but it was his knee-jerk reaction after years of being with the dark sides. Now he had gained and lost a papa in the span of an hour, his emotions were taking over, and he wasn't sure how he was going to function.

As it turned out, he wasn't needed for the next two days, and he spent all of them holed up in his room. He cried, for the most part. He cried until he couldn't anymore, and he wrapped himself in blankets and pillows and attempted to make himself feel small and safe, but it wasn't the same without Logan's warmth next to him. He could almost hear the Dark Sides laughing at him now, and that only made him feel worse. This is what you get for trusting a Light Side, they would taunt. And the poor little baby got himself hurt again.

When he finally felt that he was needed, two days and ten boxes of tissues later, he rose up next to Patton, and refused to look Logan in the eyes. "What do you think you're doing?!" he snapped at Thomas. "Telling the truth in this situation will only land you in more hurt!"

Logan's eyes held warning and Deceit ignored him. "I need to make sure you're safe, Thomas, and you're only going to hurt yourself!"

"Deceit--" Thomas tried to say.

"I know! You hate lying! You hate me! I get it! But don't you understand I want to he--" he was cut off by his own hand covering his mouth and he stared, wide-eyed, at Logan, who had his hand raised in a fist.

"Dee, that's enough," Logan said firmly.

Deceit could feel tears starting to form in his eyes and he was mortified. Mortified that Logan had shut him up so easily and mortified that he was about to regress in front of the very people he was trying to help in his own way. He glared at Logan, but Logan simply stared at him, unimpressed. "You're not half as scary as you think you are," Logan said, flat and lifeless.

Dee stomped his foot in frustration and tried to remove his hand, to no avail.

"You don't have to scare us to get us to listen to you. You have your place in Thomas' life, just as we do," Logan said. "So stop trying so hard to scare us. You know what would be more helpful? Calmly explaining your side of things and why you think you can help. And you can help. Not all the time, but you can."

Dee finally wrenched his hand from his mouth, but all he could do was heave in huge breaths, trying to speak but finding himself nonverbal. Logan's words held a truth that he was scared of knowing, but he knew that it was the truth...And he knew who could help him accept it. He stalked over to Logan, stopped when they were a foot apart, and forced himself to say, "I hate you. I stand by my words."

Logan laughed and the others looked confused beyond belief. "You didn't believe we all wanted you gone?" Logan asked. "You're smarter than that. Apology accepted. Now do you believe that I only want you to be here so that Thomas functions fine, or are you getting over yourself and admitting that you were wrong?"

Dee looked down at the ground, cheeks dusting pink. "Your room," he said simply, and sank out.

A few moments later, Logan joined Dee in his room, and Logan looked him over. "You've run yourself through the wringer over this, haven't you?" Logan asked.

Dee sniffled and nodded.

"I shouldn't have tried to force myself to help you when you hadn't consented to that help. You have my apologies," Logan said.

"I don't know...I don't..." Dee stammered over his words. "I don't know how to accept help. So I tried to convince you I didn't need it and make you not want to give it to me. Sorry."

Logan looked Dee over one more time, and asked softly, "Do you still want me to be your papa?"

Dee sniffled. "Yeah," he murmured. "Maybe not when I'm an adult, yet, but I like you being my papa when I'm small."

"Then I'll be your papa," Logan said, sitting on the bed and patting his lap. "Come on, you look like you deserve some cuddles."

Dee smiled and crawled into Logan's lap, and Logan started humming that song again. Dee finally recognized it. It was the song Lost One's Weeping, only it sounded more like a lullaby than a vocaloid song the way Logan sang it. He found it oddly fitting. This lost one didn't weep, but maybe, just maybe, that's because he wasn't lost anymore.

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